Everyday, I go through my life with the thinking
that things will get better. Somehow, somewhat.
Everyday, I tried to put up that impossible smile on my face.
But you know it's hard when that one person that
makes you feel so excited to go through the day,
makes you smile early in the morning by that one text,
makes you feel so happy inside that your heart flutters
whenever he calls, is not the same anymore.

Each time, I would try to find that little bits of
happy happenings, to get through the day.
Things like him answering my calls and talk for a mere
10 seconds would make do. Things like him replying to
one of my texts would make do.

Everything reminds me of him. Even my clothes reminds me of him, what I wore when we hung out. I can still smell them all over him, even though his scent hasn’t been there for long.

The feeling of guilt is overwhelming.
Everytime I wanted to rise up, it pulls me down instantly.
I disappointed someone that loves me so much, greatly.

Sometimes, it just makes me so dumbfounded that
I don't know what to do at all. I want him to know
that I love him so much, but he wouldn't know.
I want him to know that I care for him a lot, but he wouldn't know.
Whenever I feel a sudden rush of sadness, the man
himself taught me something; be calm in every situation.

The guy who could make me laugh so loud and yet,
cry so hard at the same time.

Through this all, I love you still.
Nothing ever changes.